Let me walk you through the most ridiculous conversation.
Me: “Come on Custard, let’s go for a walk!”
Custard: “I don’t want to.”
Me: “What do you mean you don’t want to? You love walking!”
Custard: “The sun is shining. All the pretty girls are out, wagging their tails!”
Me: “Well exactly! What more could you ask for?”
Custard: “Sunglasses. I want sunglasses”.
Me: “Dogs don’t wear sunglasses, Custard.”
Custard: “I bloody well do. And I look better than you in them, too.”
Me: “Woooah there! I think your head might be getting a liiiittle too large for your collar, buster.”
Custard: “Alright fine. It’s not all about looks. I just want to be able to check out the chicas and keep my cool, ok? I don’t want them to know I’m looking. It’s rule one in the player handbook mum, jeez. ”
Me: “Alright, fine. Who am I to stand in the way of true love, even if it is doggy style?”
Custard: “Heh… I see what you did there.”
Me: “Haha, sorry couldn’t resist. Look, here you go. You can wear them but just for today.”
Custard: “Yeeesssssss!” *Punching his paw into the air* “Helloooo ladies!”
Me: “Can we go for a walk now?”
Custard: “And miss all the girls walking by? Nope! Let’s stay riiiight here.”
My dog, ladies and gentleman.
You couldn’t make this stuff up.