The Londoner

The Universal Icebreaker

Feb. 12, 2013 |

If there's one thing I get asked about more than anything else, it's how to meet guys or how guys can approach girls without being creepy. There are a million & one books, DVDs & audio tapes out there that will guarantee to turn you into a Casanova... I'll let you into a little secret, you don't need any of them. Falling in love isn't hard (that's why it's called falling), what holds us back is fear. The fear of striking out keeps so many people from playing the game at all. This is a trick my friends & I have come up with that will guarantee to break the ice, whoever & wherever you are. I'm a huge believer in fate, but sometimes it needs a little nudge in the right direction. Or as one of my favourite quotes puts it...

So, if you constantly find yourself lusting after that hunk across the room, or boys if you're just too shy to whisk your dream girl off her feet, I thought I'd let you in on my secret.

We call it The Universal Icebreaker

Step 1. Spot your target. That gorgeous thing on the other side of the bar. 

Step 2. Posture. Shoulders back, uncrossed arms (holding a drink or at your sides, no pockets), stand up straight. 

Step 3. The look. Right, the idea is for the target to catch you looking at them... in the least creepy way possible. Keep chatting to your group of friends but look over at them, fairly intently with a sort of half amused smile. Look away back to your friends, then back to them like you're trying to work out how you know them. 

Step 4. The smile. Ok, don't run over like a loon once they've caught you looking, you'll terrify them. Excuse yourself from your friends, go over and smile like you're greeting an old friend (this is very important, it will simultaneously put them at ease and a little off balance). 

Step 5. The question. 

You - "Hi, I'm sorry this is probably really random, but did you go to Loftwood School?" 

Them - "No, sorry you must be thinking of someone else."

You - "Oh my god, that's so embarrassing  You look just like someone I used to have a huge crush on! Oh wow, I bet I'm blushing now!" 

Them - Putty . In . Your . Hands.

Obviously the question can be whatever you want. Particularly good if you can work in something really interesting you've done lately... "Hi, I'm really sorry but were you on safari in Kenya last month? I'm sure we shared a jeep!" "Ohhh you've never been on safari? You should! My friends & I were skinny dipping one morning and a lion came and drank from the pool! I swear my heart actually stopped... blah blah blah" "Oh look at me wittering on, sorry I never caught your name?" 

Ta daaah!  

May as well pick out baby names. 

This doesn't just work in bars (which, for the record, is a terrible place to meet nice people). Get this under your belt & you can whack it out in supermarkets, cafĂŠs, bookshops, parks, pools, the bus, anywhere you bloody well like. 

Of course there is the off chance that you'll approach a dud who for some reason wont see how fantastic you are. In that case just say something along the lines of "Oh well, keep an eye out for your evil twin, they could be anywhere!" smile & walk away. Dignity & pride fully intact. 

Better an 'oh well' than a 'what if'. 

If by some incredible coincidence you try this on an unsuspecting Londoner reader... you have 2 options. 

1. Laugh about it, talk about how awesome/average/dreadful The Londoner is & suggest you get together to make some Slutty Brownies

2. Lie. "Whhhaaaat? What the hell is The Londoner? I really did think you were the person who presented my Nobel Prize! Jeez, weirdo!" 

Up to you! 

Have you seen these yet?

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